Would you believe …

One of the mixed blessings of public school teaching is the gullibility of the students, especially the eighth and ninth graders. They are so trusting of their teachers that it is easy to lead them astray. If done in an unthreatening manner, it is not only a way to inject a bit of humor into the teacher/student relationship but it is also a way to encourage students to not take everything at face value and question things they are told.


For example, when I was teaching science to eighth graders , I inherited a monkey fetus in a jar of formalin. When I would set it out for the first time each year, I acted as if I had made a mistake when students noticed it. It was always possible to convince some of them that it was an alien in a jar. The alien had been shot by a farmer in western Washington when he discovered it walking in a field. I was hired by the government to keep and study it. It seems that the more farfetched a story may be, the more likely some students will believe it. Most often, the trick is to be sure they know the truth before the end of the class period. That way everyone has a good time with the story and the story can lead directly into a lesson.

I used to have sixth graders stop by my room after school asking me if they could look at “the monkey in the jar” that a brother/sister had told them about.

We also had some really interesting conversations about dogs and cats. I was teaching a lesson about rabies when an opportunity presented itself. We were discussing German shepherds when I pointed out to the class that they are very difficult to train because they only understand German. English doesn’t work. A Scottish terrier only understands Scottish and even a Siamese cat only understands Siamese. That is why they act so independently and don’t listen to commands.

I stood by this ridiculous assertion until the next day. That way I was able to actually stimulate some dinner table conversations in a number of students’ homes.

During my tenure as an eighth grade science teacher I became known as the “teacher who eats chalk” by my students, some of their parents, and even a couple of board members. I have always wanted to have a chalkboard in my room (in many ways I’m just an old fashioned kind of teacher). One day the kids were talkative during a lecture. I told them that they made me so angry I could just “eat chalk”. So I proceeded to bite a stick of chalk in half, which I then chewed and swallowed. The kids were surprised and couldn’t believe what I had done. I then passed out chalk, and several of the most extroverted ones joined me in a chalk snack. When the clay in the chalk coated the inside of their mouths, they decided they didn’t care for the taste. So I handed out Jolly Ranchers to help them get rid of the bad taste. That story spread throughout the campus and parts of the community. I have done this many times over the years, but I have learned to slip a candy cigarette into the chalk box for my “chalk” snack.

I am one of the few teachers in the state of Washington who still shows 18mm films. Thanks to eBay I have a small library of excellent films and a couple of projectors. A good friend owns the local movie theater, and students often see me there in the evening. Because I show some science movies in class, I

was able to convince students that I am the projectionist in the theater. That just fascinates them. My friend tells them that I watch for anyone who misbehaves during the movie since I know who they are.

When my wife and I both taught in the same Pennsylvania high school, kids would often ask me if she was my wife because we both had the same last name. I would tell them “No, she is my sister”. Then they would tell her what I had said and she would have to explain to them that the Mrs. In front of her name meant that she was actually my wife. Then they would proceed to tell her what was going on in my classroom.

It seems as if being a teacher who can interact in a humorous way with my students while not belittling them allows me to build good relationships that benefit everyone. My senior high kids know they can do some give-and-take with me and have an enjoyable experience in my classroom. Even old cracks from the sixties are well received: “You have wonder muscles. We wonder when you’ll get some.” “You are muscle bound. Bound to get muscles.” “Are you hungry? How about I give you a knuckle sandwich?” That seems to be a favorite with my upper classmen.

I even had a student with the bad reputation who was always being suspended for behavioral issues who once told me I had curly hairs sticking out the top of my shirt. My response was “When you go through puberty, you’ll probably get some of those too.” I not only never had another problem with him, but he actually looked forward to my class.

Over the years I have developed an ability to interact with students in many different ways. Students know I am concerned that they are successful and that I have their best interests at heart. My kidding and mock threats are always done in a way that they not only don’t feel abused but actually look forward to the interaction. Student/teacher relationships are often difficult at best, and only after a high level of trust has been developed should any of my activities be attempted.