Would you believe …

One of the mixed blessings of public school teaching is the gullibility of the students, especially the eighth and ninth graders. They are so trusting of their teachers that it is easy to lead them astray. If done in an unthreatening manner, it is not only a way to inject a bit of humor into the teacher/student relationship but it is also a way to encourage students to not take everything at face value and question things they are told.


For example, when I was teaching science to eighth graders , I inherited a monkey fetus in a jar of formalin. When I would set it out for the first time each year, I acted as if I had made a mistake when students noticed it. It was always possible to convince some of them that it was an alien in a jar. The alien had been shot by a farmer in western Washington when he discovered it walking in a field. I was hired by the government to keep and study it. It seems that the more farfetched a story may be, the more likely some students will believe it. Most often, the trick is to be sure they know the truth before the end of the class period. That way everyone has a good time with the story and the story can lead directly into a lesson.

I used to have sixth graders stop by my room after school asking me if they could look at “the monkey in the jar” that a brother/sister had told them about.

We also had some really interesting conversations about dogs and cats. I was teaching a lesson about rabies when an opportunity presented itself. We were discussing German shepherds when I pointed out to the class that they are very difficult to train because they only understand German. English doesn’t work. A Scottish terrier only understands Scottish and even a Siamese cat only understands Siamese. That is why they act so independently and don’t listen to commands.

I stood by this ridiculous assertion until the next day. That way I was able to actually stimulate some dinner table conversations in a number of students’ homes.

During my tenure as an eighth grade science teacher I became known as the “teacher who eats chalk” by my students, some of their parents, and even a couple of board members. I have always wanted to have a chalkboard in my room (in many ways I’m just an old fashioned kind of teacher). One day the kids were talkative during a lecture. I told them that they made me so angry I could just “eat chalk”. So I proceeded to bite a stick of chalk in half, which I then chewed and swallowed. The kids were surprised and couldn’t believe what I had done. I then passed out chalk, and several of the most extroverted ones joined me in a chalk snack. When the clay in the chalk coated the inside of their mouths, they decided they didn’t care for the taste. So I handed out Jolly Ranchers to help them get rid of the bad taste. That story spread throughout the campus and parts of the community. I have done this many times over the years, but I have learned to slip a candy cigarette into the chalk box for my “chalk” snack.

I am one of the few teachers in the state of Washington who still shows 18mm films. Thanks to eBay I have a small library of excellent films and a couple of projectors. A good friend owns the local movie theater, and students often see me there in the evening. Because I show some science movies in class, I

was able to convince students that I am the projectionist in the theater. That just fascinates them. My friend tells them that I watch for anyone who misbehaves during the movie since I know who they are.

When my wife and I both taught in the same Pennsylvania high school, kids would often ask me if she was my wife because we both had the same last name. I would tell them “No, she is my sister”. Then they would tell her what I had said and she would have to explain to them that the Mrs. In front of her name meant that she was actually my wife. Then they would proceed to tell her what was going on in my classroom.

It seems as if being a teacher who can interact in a humorous way with my students while not belittling them allows me to build good relationships that benefit everyone. My senior high kids know they can do some give-and-take with me and have an enjoyable experience in my classroom. Even old cracks from the sixties are well received: “You have wonder muscles. We wonder when you’ll get some.” “You are muscle bound. Bound to get muscles.” “Are you hungry? How about I give you a knuckle sandwich?” That seems to be a favorite with my upper classmen.

I even had a student with the bad reputation who was always being suspended for behavioral issues who once told me I had curly hairs sticking out the top of my shirt. My response was “When you go through puberty, you’ll probably get some of those too.” I not only never had another problem with him, but he actually looked forward to my class.

Over the years I have developed an ability to interact with students in many different ways. Students know I am concerned that they are successful and that I have their best interests at heart. My kidding and mock threats are always done in a way that they not only don’t feel abused but actually look forward to the interaction. Student/teacher relationships are often difficult at best, and only after a high level of trust has been developed should any of my activities be attempted.

A Code to Live By?

Dress codes have always been a topic of discussion throughout my teaching career. I’m not speaking of student dress, but rather the ways that teachers dress.
When I was a student in high school, male teachers wore ties with either a sport coat or a dress suit. Women all wore dresses and nylon hose. When I student taught, I had three clip-on ties, two hand-me-down sport coats, and two pairs of slacks. I was expected to be formally dressed at all times. After all, teaching is a profession, not a job.
Things have really changed since my early years as an educator, and not always for the best. I always resisted wearing a tie because I did not like the constriction around my neck (partly also because it was expected of me.) At one of my positions, I was teaching in a three story building. I was on the third floor and the office was on the first floor. My tie stayed in my desk drawer except when I went down to the first floor. Then the tie went on. Once in a while I’d forget it and the principal would just shake his head. After a few years he gave up and the tie just stayed home. My justification was that if the gym and shop teachers didn’t need them, then, neither did I.
Looking back on those early days, I realize that dressing formally helped define the difference between myself as the educator and the teenagers as my students. It helped to maintain the classroom as a formal place of learning. As I gained experience, I developed skills that allowed me to interact with my students in a successful manner without the formal attire. However, I have always felt that being well dressed and well groomed are important in a world that has become very informal. I am the one in charge and it needs to be reflected both in my manner and my clothing.
I taught a total of 23 years in Pennsylvania and during that time the form of dress became more and more informal among the faculty members, but only to a limited extent.
I then had a six year hiatus from teaching and returned to the classroom in 1993 in the state of Washington. The mix of clothing proved to be very interesting. Ties had all but disappeared and jeans were in for the male faculty while the women wore anything from jeans with torn holes to nice slacks and dresses from formal to very short. One very attractive young teacher wore skirts that were shorter than the students were allowed to wear. She even had the habit of sitting on her desk when teaching. One day we were in the faculty room and she was sitting with me and another science teacher (older but inexperienced with women). She was sitting on a low chair with her feet up on a table right across from him. He was trying very hard to keep his eyes up on hers as she talked to us. I started to snicker at his discomfort which only made him get a bit flustered. It took a while but then she asked, “I’m flashing him, aren’t I?” I grinned at her and said, “Yes, you are.” So she put her feet down and just continued chatting away. That was during her second year of teaching. Today she is an elementary school principal and much more formal in her behavior and attire. I suspect she is a very fine administrator, too.
I have had two student teachers during my last fifteen years. Both dressed inappropriately for the position. The woman was overweight and wore jeans and tops that were several sizes too small with more rolls than Pillsbury. The young man wore formal attire the first week and then switched to old jeans and shirts. They both had clothing that fit their roles; they just wouldn’t wear it. I believe part of the problem is educational indoctrination that often encourages new teachers to blend in with the students and be their friend.
One of my principals once suggested at a faculty meeting that the men should all wear ties when teaching. I was surprised when some of the older teachers strongly objected. Most of the resistance was financially based and was based upon the perception that ties and coats are an unnecessary expense .
It is difficult to proclaim oneself as a professional when attired in rubber sandals and shorts or jeans full of holes while instructing students. It seems as if we like to vacillate between extremes and the pendulum has been swinging to and beyond the informal. I suspect that some day it will swing back the other way. Especially when people realize that if you want to be looked on as a professional, you have to sometimes dress the part. Looking worse than many of the students you teach does not accomplish that role.
I am nearing retirement and decided to go out the way I came in. I am wearing a tie but avoided purchasing a number of sport coats by taking the approach that I am a science teacher and as such can wear a white lab coat similar to that worn by a doctor. I am also doing this as an experiment to determine if students look on me any differently for dressing as a professional. So far I have noted slight differences that I believe would be magnified for the new teacher.

Den of Iniquity

I remember early on in my career that I was given some advice by an experienced teacher. Stay out of the faculty room. It’s nothing but trouble. I soon discovered that he was right and wrong.

When I was a high school student and would walk past the faculty room, if the door was open, cigarette smoke rolled out of the room and I couldn’t see across the room for the smog. If students wanted to smoke, they had to go off school property during the lunch hour. Eventually teachers had to do the same thing due to fire codes, and later due to antismoking regulations on campuses.

Basically, the faculty room is a place where teachers can “hang out”. It will generally have a fridge, microwave, toilet access, and assorted furniture. It is a place where many teachers will gather twice a day, once during a planning period and then during a duty free lunch period.

I discovered early on that when I spent time in the faculty room I got nothing done. In one district there was even a continuous game of pinochle throughout the day. There was often a race to get a seat at the table and I always felt that some players dismissed their students early since the same three were always there first.

The newspaper was read to the point of falling apart, tests were run off on the duplicator, later a photocopier, papers were graded, and gossip flourished. I uncovered more information about various students than I ever really wanted to know. Whenever I wanted to accomplish something, I spent my planning period in my room, provided it wasn’t being used by another teacher.

There are some good points about the faculty room. It is a place to share information about students that can be of value by giving different viewpoints on their skills and behaviors. The faculty room is also a place to unwind from the pressures of the classroom. Teachers also get to interact with their peers and not spend the whole day just in the company of students. It is also a room for sharing (donuts, brownies, cookies, etc.).

One year we had a teacher who was getting married and wanted to make her own wedding cake. Every few days she brought her latest attempt for us to evaluate. One cake couldn’t be cut and another tasted like baking powder. One even flowed when it was cut. She finally gave up and had one of the other women bake it for her.

The typical high school teaching day does not allow time for teachers to exchange ideas and information on shared students nor on their teaching methods and curriculum across grade levels and departments. Even within departments such exchanges are difficult to manage.

The middle school philosophy is badly flawed, but it does allow for teams of teachers who share information on their students. However, there is no such time allowed for sharing curriculum ideas or student information across grade levels- a serious flaw for a number of reasons, not the least of which is “turf wars”.

Unfortunately the “den of iniquity” is usually the only place for sharing information and ideas. The trick is to filter out the gossip while actually focusing on meaningful topics and avoiding pinochle, gossip, football pools, and criticism of the administration.

Survival of the Fittest

Somewhere along the line people got the idea that everyone needs to go to college. In the state of Washington parents can put money away for their newborn child's college fund. Everybody needs a college fund. That is the word throughout the land. Well guess what. Not everybody goes to college. Some people just don't want to go to college while others just are not college material.

Our department of education and people who decide the status of education in this state either do not believe it, or are living in a delusional state of mind. The latest mandate (unfunded of course) requires a third year of math to graduate. Not a bad idea if it was handled realistically. But guess what, the students must complete algebra and geometry as the required classes. I am not sure how that will help the dropout rate.

Now Seattle school district is trying to require a 'C' or higher to get credit for a class. Another well intentioned idea that often leads to grade inflation. In other words, a 60% mastery of the subject matter is not good enough. Get a 70% mastery. I don't know of any college who accepts students with D's scattered through their transcripts. However, a 'D' does allow a student to move on to the next level. So 'D' students become dropouts since that is not good enough to pass a class.

I have science curriculum that I have developed according to certain standards. Once a student completes my class with a certain grade, s/he has mastered the material to that level. Any rote memorization will soon be forgotten and only the skills of how to learn, along with the major principles of the discipline, will be retained. So throw a high stakes test at the kids a year or two later to show them how dumb they are and to denegrate the evaluation methods of the curriculum being taught.

Why are our graduates so dumb? According to comparisons of our students with students from other countries and according to the failure/dropout rates in four year colleges, our educational system "sucks".

People who say that ignore some basic facts. We keep everybody in public school, whether they want to be there or not. We can't remove troublesome students like charter schools and private schools. We have to teach 'em all. Overseas in many countries students are tested and sent to the appropriate school with only the best going on to their universities. Others are diverted into training for trades. Our students have fine arts classes. In Japan that would just be a distraction. In other countries teachers are respected. In this country teachers are expected to be babysitters and Heaven help the teacher who dares to discipline a rowdy student too agressively.

Why do so many students fail at four year colleges? Don't look at the public schools. Look at the colleges. Teaching methods are very different from the public school methods. Instructors make many assumptions about their students and most use a lecture/test method while flying through the material being covered. Competition is fierce among students and no longer are there low achievers to take care of the bottom of the "bell curve". Using college teaching methods in public schools would greatly reduce class size as students would drop out as soon as legally permitted to do so.

We used to offer curriculum for students not planning on college. Vocational/technical programs were offered to these students. Well guess what, these programs are going away from the middle schools and junior high schools and the high schools have elevated the level to attract students interested in engineering, not the student who wants to learn how to build a house with basic hand tools.

It is too bad that we worry about how dumb our kids are compared to the rest of the world and accuse our educational system of catastrophic failure when we live in a country that has become great through its educational system and attracts students from other countries who want to take advantage of what we offer. If our educational system has failed anywhere, it is in its production of political hacks who attack the system for their own political gain, not caring about the negative effect their tinkering has on the present generation of students.

Now I'll get off my soapbox and next time talk about "dens of iniquity"- faculty rooms.

They'll Eat You Alive

The first year of teaching is the hardest. As a new teacher I was fair game for some of the hardcase, older students. I had a section of shop math where some of the students were going on 19 and I had just turned 21 four months earlier. After our get aquainted first month together, things became very difficult and from day to day I didn't always know who was going to control the class. Looking back I realize now how I could have handled things better, but at least I survived.
I was a real introvert growing up and hated speaking to a group. Now I not only had to control and educate large groups of students, but I also had to handle the attention of girls with their love letters hidden in my desk. A new, young teacher attracts some students like a flame attracts moths. It is one of those things the ed classes do not prepare you for. Once again, I survived and now the girls look at me like a "father figure".
In a smaller district the new teacher may not have as many assets for help over the bad spots, but there are other compensations. Scheduling is fairer and administrators are more available to assist.
In many districts the new teacher gets a schedule shafting, although nobody would admit that. The teachers with seniority feel they have earned the right to teach the classes with motivated kids. Give the "hard cases" to the new guy. Of course the new guy goes through some very difficult times and too often will not survive. Low pay and a difficult schedule, who wants to look forward to years of those conditions? It is unfortunate but the kids needing the most help often get the new teacher, who is least prepared to cope with them. But at the same time, the experienced teacher has some entitlements as well. A good administrator finds and applies the obvious solution.
I remember a new teacher was substituting next door to me. I talked to him several times about coming to me if he had any problems. He told me "not to worry". He had just finished a class called "Disrupting the Disruptor" and he would apply what he had learned. Unfortunately, his plan did not work and at the end of the day he was told he would not be called back. At the start of his first class, he picked out the biggest student in class, walked by his desk, and shoved his books onto the floor. He then started to shout at the student in an attempt to demonstrate something about disruption in the classroom. Needless to say, he lost all control of the class, word got around, and he had a terrible day with several principal visitations.
When I taught at my second district in Pennsylvania, we used to get new teachers that were trained at Penn State. Their theme was "be friends with your students". What a recipe for disaster. One teacher, call him Mike Johnson, told his biology classes "Just call me Mike. We are going to be friends and work together to master biology." It lasted two-three days before he forced them to use Mr. Johnson to regain some control of the classroom. There is a big difference between a friendly classroom atmosphere and having students as friends.
Then there is the new teacher who thinks every experienced teacher is out of touch and should retire. I have met a couple of them. I even mentored one when I taught eighth grade science in Washington State. He taught half of the eighth grade science and I taught the other half. I loaned him a three ring binder stuffed with my curriculum and told him to feel free to copy anything he wanted from it and then return it when he finished. Unfortunately he went to the principal and complained I was forcing my curriculum down his throat and he had ideas of his own. Needless to say that mentoring did not work out. Refusing any aisstance from experienced teachers is just asking for trouble. When I left that position to teach at the high school level, he had attained tenure and was doing a terrible job with his students.
It is too bad that ed courses don't teach their students how to distinguish teachers who are "burnt out" or just collecting a paycheck from those who are dedicated and look upon education as an important service to the students in their charge. They also need to instill confidence in their students without giving them arrogance and also how to interact with students in a teacher/student atmosphere and avoid the idea that students need to be their friends for best results.
One other short "newbie" story. Sometimes a new teacher can be very naive. "Betty" was a new PE teacher at my Pennsylvania school. She had returned to her alma mater, where she had been Homecoming Queen and a four year cheerleader. The guys just loved having their planning when she did since she always wore her skimpy gym shorts. At the end of the school year the guys always had a "kegger" picnic to celebrate the end of the year and the sign up sheet was in the faculty room. Thirty names were on the final list. Nineteen guys and Betty, then ten more guys who had never attended before. She thought it was for the full faculty until one of the women explained the situation to her. When she crossed her name off the list, so did eight of the guys.
More on faculty rooms later.